Fatima I LOVE this story. It is exciting and surprising and full of interesting dialogue. I am so impressed.
I am going to retype it here showing you the little punctuation changes you need to improve. It is really just about capital letters, more commas and starting new lines when someone speaks. Have a look at the difference, but a huge well done! Once I have edited it, all the teachers at school can see it on j2e so you have been properly published!
Fatima’s Hole in the Fence
Suddenly…Pop! I was seeing the gnome, I looked around me and realised I was in my neighbours garden! I saw my neighbour doing something but I don’t know what …. but well hmm .. how do I say this ? Oh yes, my eye sight was so blurry.
Anyways back to the story, I couldn’t quite see what was going on . Then suddenly I heard a screeching voice,
“ Hello my dear, I see you have lost your way, would you like to come in for a cup of tea? “ The boy was shivering
from the cold,
“Yes please, ” said the boy. She can’t be dangerous he thought, she just looked like a nice thoughtful old lady that was offering him tea in this blistering cold weather .
He could not think as to why it was cold in his house , which was only next door it was sunny. So following the old lady, he went inside to a cosy warm house. He sat down and started sipping his tea, and from the corner of his eye he saw lady looking at him.
“You have the most wonderful straight white teeth,” she said.
“Thank you!” he replied. Then all of a sudden, he had the biggest headache and fell to the ground!
“Heeeheehee!!” cackled the old lady, “You just thought I was harmless just because I’m old … but actually I’m a witch and cast you to a never ending sleep”.
I guess that’s what I deserve for not minding my own business and peeking. That was his last and final thought…
Fatima I LOVE this story. It is exciting and surprising and full of interesting dialogue. I am so impressed.
I am going to retype it here showing you the little punctuation changes you need to improve. It is really just about capital letters, more commas and starting new lines when someone speaks. Have a look at the difference, but a huge well done! Once I have edited it, all the teachers at school can see it on j2e so you have been properly published!
Fatima’s Hole in the Fence
Suddenly…Pop! I was seeing the gnome, I looked around me and realised I was in my neighbours garden! I saw my neighbour doing something but I don’t know what …. but well hmm .. how do I say this ? Oh yes, my eye sight was so blurry.
Anyways back to the story, I couldn’t quite see what was going on . Then suddenly I heard a screeching voice,
“ Hello my dear, I see you have lost your way, would you like to come in for a cup of tea? “ The boy was shivering
from the cold,
“Yes please, ” said the boy. She can’t be dangerous he thought, she just looked like a nice thoughtful old lady that was offering him tea in this blistering cold weather .
He could not think as to why it was cold in his house , which was only next door it was sunny. So following the old lady, he went inside to a cosy warm house. He sat down and started sipping his tea, and from the corner of his eye he saw lady looking at him.
“You have the most wonderful straight white teeth,” she said.
“Thank you!” he replied. Then all of a sudden, he had the biggest headache and fell to the ground!
“Heeeheehee!!” cackled the old lady, “You just thought I was harmless just because I’m old … but actually I’m a witch and cast you to a never ending sleep”.
I guess that’s what I deserve for not minding my own business and peeking. That was his last and final thought…